You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
