Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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