I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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