don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
