The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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