I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize