I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
