oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
