Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
