Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
