I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
