She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
