I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize