im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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