I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
