Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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