you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The best revenge is premature balding
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
