I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
