do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
