that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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