The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
