are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
