I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
