Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
