she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
