Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize