I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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