just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
is that a dick in a sweater?
I need a beard to bite.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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