guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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