there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
