She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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