its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
