I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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