dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
