do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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