if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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