Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
