I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
