One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
