remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
