happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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