The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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