If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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