In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Me. At least after what I've been through.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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