Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
