Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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