That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
