I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
