My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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