i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
