Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
