dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
