she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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