we have pet lesbian snakes
it wasn't lemon gatorade
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Come share oat with me in your robe
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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