Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
