I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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