Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
