well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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