I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
