I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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