Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This house was built for laser tag.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
