your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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