gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
