Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
