No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just had sex on a roof
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
