Apparently you make a good broom.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
