We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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