Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
