Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
