is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
