I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
