I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
