Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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