We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
