Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
