1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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