spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
