because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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