Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize