great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
