remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
