(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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