Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Randomize
