Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize