just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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