It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
