every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
