Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
