hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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