I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
