Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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