Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
