You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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