my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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