after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
