I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize