my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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