I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
