I saw his package. It spoke to me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
