writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
