She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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