Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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